“Why Can’t I Just Get It Together?”

Why ADHD often goes unnoticed until life or hormones shift—and what it means if you’re feeling overwhelmed or can’t “just get it together.”

When Life Feels Like Too Much — And ADHD Might Be the Missing Piece 🧩

For so many people — especially women — ADHD isn’t something they grew up knowing they had. It often doesn’t show up as hyperactive behavior or failing grades. Instead, it hides in plain sight: masked by effort, overachievement, or quiet struggle.

So they push through.
They make lists. 📝
They work late. 🕰️
They try harder. 💪
And for a while… it works. Until it doesn’t.

The Moment Everything Shifts 🔄

What usually brings ADHD to the surface isn't childhood, but adulthood — particularly during major life transitions. Think:

🎓 Starting college
💍 Moving in with a partner or getting married
💼 That first “real” job
👶 Having kids
🤱 Navigating postpartum life
🧺 Managing a household
👵 Preparing for retirement

These transitions introduce layers of responsibility, emotional labor, and daily demands that can quickly become overwhelming. 😵‍💫

And for many women, hormonal shifts act like gasoline on the fire. 🔥

The Estrogen Connection: Why ADHD Gets Worse for Women ♀️

Estrogen plays a critical role in executive functioning — that’s your brain’s ability to organize, plan, focus, regulate emotions, and manage tasks.

So when estrogen drops — during puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause, or menopause — ADHD symptoms often spike. 📈 Suddenly, things you used to handle with effort and energy feel downright impossible.

You’re forgetful, overwhelmed, and short-fused 😤
Your brain feels foggy and noisy at the same time 🌫️🔊
You lose your keys 🔑
You miss appointments 📅
You forget what you were saying mid-sentence 🤯

You Say the Thing — And Immediately Regret It 😬

Maybe it’s not the things you forget to do — maybe it’s the things you say that are causing the most distress.

You blurt something out before thinking it through 💬
You overshare 🗣️
You interrupt 🔁
You speak the truth… but with timing or tone that lands wrong 🎯💢

And instantly, you can feel the shift in the conversation. You regret it almost the second the words are out.

Later, you beat yourself up:

“Why do I do this?”
“Why can’t I stop?”
“Did I just ruin that relationship?” 💔

This, too, can be a symptom of ADHD. Impulsivity — especially in conversations — is one of the most misunderstood and shame-filled aspects of it.

The Shame Spiral: When You Think It's All Your Fault 🌀

At this point, the inner dialogue kicks in full force:

“Why can’t I just get it together?”
“Everyone else seems to manage — what’s wrong with me?”
“Maybe I’m just lazy. Or disorganized. Or too emotional.”
“I keep messing things up.” 😞

And the most painful thought of all:

“This must be my fault.” 💔

But here’s the truth: it’s not your fault.
You’re not weak. Or inadequate. Or broken. 🧠✨
You’re likely trying to navigate a life that demands high executive functioning — with a brain that works differently.

And you’re doing it without the tools, language, or support you deserve. 🛠️❤️

What If It’s ADHD? 🤔

What if the struggle has a name — not as a label, but as an explanation?

What if you’re not just "bad at adulting,” but living with undiagnosed ADHD?

This is more common than you think. ADHD is still underdiagnosed in women — especially those who were bright, sensitive, perfectionistic, or “well-behaved” as children. 🌟 Many develop coping strategies — masking, people-pleasing, overworking — that keep things looking functional on the outside while chaos brews underneath. 🌪️

Until something gives.

Validation Starts With One Question ❓

One of the most powerful, validating questions I ask clients is:

“Do you ever feel completely overstimulated or flooded — like there’s just too much going on to manage, and you can’t access the part of your brain that helps you plan or respond?”

Almost every time, the answer is an immediate and emotional yes. 💧

That moment — that yes — is where the healing starts. 💡

Because once we understand that it’s not a character flaw, we can stop blaming ourselves and start building real strategies, tools, and supports that work with your brain — not against it. 🧭

There’s a Reason. There’s Support. And There’s Hope. 💛

ADHD isn’t just about attention.
It’s about how your brain processes the world, emotions, tasks, and relationships — especially under pressure.

And when you finally put the pieces together, you realize:

There’s nothing wrong with you.
There’s just been a missing piece all along. 🧩

That missing piece can be identified.
It can be treated.
You can build a life that works for your brain. 🏗️🧠

You can stop apologizing for who you are — and start advocating for what you need. 💬✨

If this blog hit close to home, you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to keep doing this the hard way.

Getting curious about ADHD might be the most compassionate thing you ever do for yourself. 💖

___

🌸 Are You a Provider — or Do You Know One?

If you’re a therapist, coach, or healthcare provider, or you know someone who is and works with clients who constantly ask,
“Why can’t I just get it together?” — this is for you.

ADHD is often missed in high-functioning, smart, sensitive, or emotionally overwhelmed clients — especially during life transitions and hormonal shifts. And it’s more common than many of us were trained to recognize.

That’s why I’m relaunching my Spotting ADHD in Clients workshop — back by request, with some fresh updates based on feedback from the first round.

Spotting ADHD Workshop for Providers

🗓️ Tuesday, July 22, 2025
🕚 11:00am–1:00pm CST (2-hour live workshop)
📹 Recording available if you can’t attend live!

✅ Learn key screening questions
✅ Understand how ADHD shows up in adults (especially women)
✅ Spot it during life transitions and emotional overwhelm
✅ Know when and how to refer for diagnosis
✅ Walk away with tools to support your clients more effectively

👉 If you’re a provider — or know one who’d benefit — [click here to sign up].

___

🤷‍♀️ Curious If You Might Have ADHD?

If reading this made you think, “Wait… this sounds like me,” — you are not alone. So many adults don’t realize they’ve been living with undiagnosed ADHD until something big shifts — a new job, becoming a parent, major stress, or hormones changing everything.

I’m planning more offerings designed just for you — to help adults better understand ADHD, find support, and feel less alone in the process.

💌 Want to stay in the loop?
[Click here to sign up for my email list] to get future blog posts, resources, and updates when new workshops and tools become available.

And if you have questions in the meantime, I’d love to hear from you — feel free to reach out anytime. Email me at [email protected]

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