How to Explain ADHD to Someone Who Doesn’t Really Get It

Explaining ADHD to loved ones: reframe misunderstandings, use analogies, and share tools for better support.

If you live with ADHD, you’ve probably heard comments from people who mean well but say things that sting. Maybe they joke about your focus, question your energy, or wonder why you “just can’t get motivated.” Most of the time, these comments aren’t meant to hurt. They usually come from not really understanding what ADHD is in the first place.

So how do you explain ADHD to a loved one or friend in a way that opens the door to understanding — without shame or defensiveness? Here are some ways to make it clearer.

Start with the Core Truth

ADHD isn’t about laziness, lack of discipline, or not caring enough. At its core, ADHD is a difference in how the brain regulates attention, motivation, and energy. That means:

It’s not that you choose to struggle.
Even when you really want to get something done, your brain doesn’t always cooperate.

One way to explain it is:
“My brain has a harder time regulating focus and energy. That doesn’t mean I don’t care or that I’m not trying — it just means I need different strategies and supports to function at my best.”

Reframe Common Misunderstandings

On Focus:
ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t focus. You might hyperfocus on something that lights up your brain, while struggling to pay attention to something that doesn’t.
“It’s not that I won’t focus, it’s that my brain decides what gets my attention — not always what I want it to be.”
On Motivation:
ADHD isn’t a willpower problem. The brain’s reward and motivation systems work differently.
“I don’t always get that natural spark of motivation, so I need extra tools, systems, or support to get started.”
On Energy:
ADHD energy is often inconsistent — bursts of drive followed by burnout.
“Sometimes I feel unstoppable, and other times I feel like I’m wading through mud. It’s not me being flaky — it’s my nervous system regulating unevenly.”

Use Relatable Analogies

Analogies help people feel the difference ADHD makes:

Glasses Analogy:
“ADHD is like blurry vision. Without glasses, you’d think I just wasn’t trying hard enough to see. But once you understand that I need tools and support, it makes sense.”
Car Analogy:
“My brain is like a car with faulty brakes and gas pedals — sometimes it won’t stop, sometimes it won’t go, and sometimes both at once.”

Share What Actually Helps

Sometimes, loved ones just need to know how to be supportive:

Encouragement works better than criticism.
Ask how you can help instead of pointing out when focus or motivation is lacking.
Remember: ADHD is about brain wiring, not effort.

Make It Personal

The most powerful way to bridge the gap is to connect it back to your relationship:

“When you say things about me not focusing or not having energy, it hurts because it touches something I already struggle with. I know you don’t mean it that way. ADHD is easy to misunderstand, so can I share what it really looks like for me?”

Want a Tool to Make This Easier?

If you’re curious about ADHD — or if you want something concrete to share with others — I’ve created a free ADHD Screening Toolkit. It includes two evidence-based screening tools that break ADHD down into symptoms and everyday struggles.

Many people who see these tools have that “oh wow, that’s actually ADHD” moment. It’s a simple way to paint a clearer picture of what ADHD really looks like.

👉 Access the FREE ADHD Screening Toolkit here!

Want More Support Like This?
If you found this helpful, I send out occasional emails with more posts like this, upcoming workshops, and new resources for ADHDers, self-healers, and helpers.

👉 Join the email list here to stay in the loop.

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