“I Don’t Know What I Feel”: The Silent Struggle of the Emotionally Attuned

When you’re tuned into everyone else’s emotional world — the highs, the lows, the tension — 🎢 it can be hard to tell where you end and they begin.

It’s a phrase I’ve heard over and over again this week:

“I can’t even tell what my own feelings are.”

And it’s not coming from people who are checked out, unmotivated, or unwilling to do the work.
It’s coming from thoughtful, sensitive, emotionally tuned-in people.
People who care deeply. People who show up for others. People who feel so much — but somewhere along the way, lost touch with themselves.

If you’ve ever said that line — or silently nodded when someone else did — this post is for you.

Why Is It So Hard to Know What You’re Feeling?

1. You’ve been trained to tune into others

Maybe you grew up in a household where emotions weren’t named, safe, or welcome — or where your job (implicitly or explicitly) was to track the emotions of the people around you.
In environments like that, emotional awareness becomes a survival skill — but not necessarily for your own emotions.

You learned to read the room.
You learned to take care of other people’s moods.
But no one taught you how to check in with yourself.

2. You’re absorbing other people’s feelings

If you're a highly attuned or neurodivergent person (hello ADHDers, empaths, caregivers, therapists, parents), you may pick up on others' energy and emotions without even realizing it.

You’re not imagining it — you really are feeling things others aren’t.
But when you’re absorbing emotional static all day, it becomes almost impossible to distinguish:

“Is this mine, or did I just soak it up?”

3. You’ve spent years in over-functioning mode

Being emotionally aware is beautiful — until it turns into over-responsibility.

When you’re constantly:

Managing others’ emotions
Anticipating needs
Smoothing tension
Minimizing your own discomfort to avoid conflict

…it makes sense that your own feelings would get blurry.

Not because you’re broken — but because there’s been no room for your emotions to speak.

Signs You Might Be Disconnected from Your Feelings

You describe how others feel more easily than yourself
You feel “off” but can’t name why
You often say “I’m fine,” even when you’re not
You notice others’ needs before your own
You default to analyzing rather than feeling

Sound familiar?

So What Do You Do About It?

You can rebuild the connection to your own emotional world — one small check-in at a time.

Here’s how:

🔹 1. **Name what's physically happening**

Start with the body. It speaks before the mind catches up.

Ask yourself:

“Where do I feel tension?”
“Is there tightness in my chest or throat?”
“What’s the temperature of this feeling — hot, cold, buzzy, flat?”

Let your body guide you to the feeling underneath.

🔹 2. Use borrowed language until your own shows up

If “sad” or “angry” don’t land, try:

“It feels like a knot.”
“It’s foggy in my chest.”
“It’s like something wants to cry but can’t.”

Emotion doesn’t always show up in clean labels. Let it come through metaphor or image if needed.

🔹 3. Check the timeline

Ask:

“Was I feeling this way before I entered the room / got the text / started talking to that person?”

If the answer is no, you might be holding someone else’s emotions.
You can care without carrying.

🔹 4. Practice emotional permission

Give yourself quiet moments to ask:

“What would I feel if it were safe to feel it?”
“What am I afraid I’d feel if I slowed down?”

Often we don’t lose access to our emotions — we hide them to protect ourselves.
Creating safety brings them back online.

🔹 5. Use visual or sensory cues

Some people need movement, art, journaling, or music to access emotion.
Try:

Doodling how the feeling looks
Making a playlist of songs that match your energy
Recording voice notes instead of journaling

Let your expression match your wiring.

Final Thought

If you’re struggling to tell what your feelings are — that doesn’t mean you’re disconnected or emotionally immature.

It often means you’ve been too connected to everyone else, for too long.

And now? It’s time to return to yourself.

Your feelings are not too much.
They’re not wrong.
And they’re not gone — just waiting for your attention.

You don’t need to earn the right to feel. You just need to learn how to listen.

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